DESPITE the very real possibility of being incredibly late for drinks
with friends, 25-year-old Hannah Slaney is to spend the next 30 minutes
locked in a battle with her tight jeans.
Purchased last week from Topshop, the size 10 jeans are proving
incompatible with Hannah’s size 10 body, forcing the student nurse to
resort to ever more desperate ends in an effort to get them.
Despite her body being made up of flesh and bone like everyone else,
the €58 pair of jeans seems reluctant to find its way passed Hannah’s
upper thighs.
Growing increasingly frustrated after spending the last five minutes
on her bedroom floor using the pull as hard as you can technique, Hannah
has taken to googling several search terms which all hint at some grand
international jeans conspiracy in which retailers conspire together to
lie about the size of their jeans and turn them into implements of
torture.
Hannah rallied again to place her crotch skywards with her elbows
fixed to the floor, then pulling vigorously on her jeans but to no
avail.
Was it not for the fact that Hannah had taken up weight training
sessions in the gym several weeks ago, it is believed her arms would
have lost all feeling at this point, such is the high demand on her
biceps as she stubbornly attempts to drag her jeans up towards her hips.
Some 27 minutes after first beginning her fight Hannah was found on
the floors sobbing by her housemate Ainé, who kindly attempted to help
her into her jeans.
Ainé pulled on the jeans, but this only resulted in dragging Hannah
further along the bedroom floor, causing 2nd degree carpet burns to
Hannah’s elbows.
Experts in the field of jeaneology has confirmed Hannah will be very late for drinks with her friends.
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