CUTTING edge research by the Institute of Research into Research
Institutes has revealed that women with bodies are at a higher risk of
getting cancer.
Floating female orbs have breathed a sigh of relief at the news, but
the latest research means women with bodies face yet more worry when it
comes to a number of common cancers.
“We’ve done the research, we’ve crunched the numbers and we’ve given
birth to these figures,” Dr. Leon Groon told WWN using only odd and
unsuitable imagery.
“Birthing this news wasn’t easy, as it seems quite apparent cancers
adversely affect women with bodies,” Dr. Groon added, speaking of his
paper which make its the 3,456th study so far in 2015 which aims to
scare the living daylights out of women.
“We would fully advise women to consider not having bodies of any description,” Dr. Goon concluded.
Recommendations off the back of the study’s publication include ‘not
being a woman’, ‘not being a woman with a body’, ‘never eat apples’,
‘only exercise on a Tuesday’, ‘eat apples’ and ‘say the word ‘peculiar’
every hour on the hour’.
Ethereal female beings with no need for limbs and organs have sent their condolences to bodied women.