CUTTING edge research by the Institute of Research into Research Institutes has revealed that women with bodies are at a higher risk of getting cancer.
Floating female orbs have breathed a sigh of relief at the news, but the latest research means women with bodies face yet more worry when it comes to a number of common cancers.
“We’ve done the research, we’ve crunched the numbers and we’ve given birth to these figures,” Dr. Leon Groon told WWN using only odd and unsuitable imagery.
“Birthing this news wasn’t easy, as it seems quite apparent cancers adversely affect women with bodies,” Dr. Groon added, speaking of his paper which make its the 3,456th study so far in 2015 which aims to scare the living daylights out of women.
“We would fully advise women to consider not having bodies of any description,” Dr. Goon concluded.
Recommendations off the back of the study’s publication include ‘not being a woman’, ‘not being a woman with a body’, ‘never eat apples’, ‘only exercise on a Tuesday’, ‘eat apples’ and ‘say the word ‘peculiar’ every hour on the hour’.
Ethereal female beings with no need for limbs and organs have sent their condolences to bodied women.