DESPITE a nobel and at times heroic attempt to make small-talk with a
man he just met, time is running out for one Carlow man as his
conversation with his girlfriend’s dad about the price of car insurance
has begun to reach its conclusion.
Martin Cassidy had gone to the house of his new girlfriend Majella
Rooney to collect her for a date, who introduced him to her dad and left
them alone in the sitting room as she needed ‘two minutes’ to put on
her make-up.
Cassidy made a game attempt to engage with Michael Rooney, although
the awkward and irrefutable knowledge that Cassidy was either banging or
intended to soon bang Rooney’s daughter hung heavily in the air.
Hope emerged after the duo struck up a conversation about car
insurance, as Cassidy had recently renewed the policy on his 2007 Golf.
Talk about the exorbitant prices charged to young drivers continued into
tales of how one may be able to get a cheaper quote from the same
broker if “you ring back and give them a different name”.
Sensing that the topic has been exhausted and is drawing to its
natural conclusion, Cassidy has begun to panic and is wondering what the
fuck is keeping Majella, and will she return before the conversation
turns to GAA.
“I know fuck all about GAA, so I’d better keep the craic going about
how I’m still being charged over 500 euro despite ten years no-claims
bonus,” thought Cassidy, desperately looking around the room for
something that he could change the topic of conversation to.
“Ever where the fuck Majella got to… doesn’t she not know that two
strange men can’t hold a conversation longer than 5 minutes without it
turning into a total cringe fest?”
With his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend nowhere in sight, Cassidy was
forced to resort to talking about the weather, which may buy him a few
more minutes of painfully embarrassing conversation before he has to sit
in total silence staring at the walls.